No Words

I began this post over two weeks ago, and I have agonized, and agonized over what to say...I sometimes struggle blogging about things closest to my heart. I think in some ways I find it is scary for to let others read my deepest thoughts.

However, in June I posted about a little princess (click here for the post)...and I asked that you please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

It is with the heaviest heart that I wish to tell you that sweet Julia Mae passed away on July 10th.

Today was her memorial service.


This is the post I began that I ended up reading today...

I spent the better part of my undergraduate career learning how to write. Majoring in journalism, my mentors told me there was absolutely no story that could not be written. There were to be words for everything, and if I was good enough at what I did, I should be able capture the moment, relay the essence of the story, and be able to precisely portray the emotions of any event without ever imposing my own…

Granted, I never became that journalist I once aspired to be (although I am sure I could have given Katie Couric a run for her money); however, words have always come easily to me, and when presented with any “real” assignment, I have never struggled or searched to find words…I have always been able to write the story…they have always been so clear…

Yet, my current assignment was perhaps the greatest assignment: That Thursday morning I sat down to tell Julia’s story and to relay the impact her life has made.

And although words had always come so easily to me before, I sat for endless hours on the floor of my bedroom praying for not for inspiration to write but for the words to accurately portray the inspiration that consumed me. For the first time, I truly had no words. None. Now, I did have tears, but I had no words.

As I sat at the foot of my bed and thought of Julia and the perfect life she lived, I did nothing but cry…I cried tears of anger, joy, heartache, sorrow, happiness, fear, grace and peace…But even as my tears washed me, I could not find the words to encompass the emotions from which I could not separate myself.

I was angry that my futile attempts to tell her story seemed so trite. Who was I to capture the essence of perfection in a little girl our Lord allowed us to borrow for such a short while? Who was I to tell of the great glories she bestowed on to all that had the honor of knowing her? Who was I to do justice to all the marvels of little Julia?

How was I ever to portray her beauty? How could I describe her eyes? Her sweet smell…the most amazing sound of each breath she took…or the calming innocence of her fragile cries…

How was I to encompass each lesson she taught, each person she touched, and each heart she holds? And how was I ever to be able to relay the legacies that will live on forever simply because they were blessed to know Julia.

I had no words for Julia’s story. It is too great for me to tell!

Dearest Julia, I want to ask you to please forgive me for I owe you more than I can give. I have failed to tell the story of which you are worthy. If I were talented enough to capture it the way you deserve, I would truly tell so much…

I can, however, only speak for me…

I know because I knew you, I will never be the same. Little Julia, did you know you changed me?

During the days you were borrowed from Our Maker, you reminded me of my blessings and taught me to cherish them properly as I have failed to do before. You created an avenue for friendships to be renewed that I hold so dear. You allowed me to know your parents differently, and I came to respect them in a way I have respected no other and can never respect another. You shed a light on what it means to be a mother of my four children that I needed to understand. You helped me see clearly that I have so much for which to be grateful. You proved to me, a doubter, that even in the darkest of hours there IS light. And, you showed me that even in sadness there is the most incredible joy to be found if I dare to seek it. However, of all that you did for me sweet Julia, through my tears you exposed my tattered and broken heart that had shunned our Lord for too long…You weakened me to my knees and forced me open my heart so that I might believe in Him the way He has instructed me to do.

You did so much for me dear Julia. I will never be the same because of you…You changed MY story!

I know you see us now, and I can only pray you feel our hearts. Know you will forever be missed, forever be remembered, forever be endeared and forever be loved.

And, I see know why there are no words for your story…Julia, you are still changing the world…and too much of your story is yet to be written!

Until we meet again…

I hope that you will please keep Julia's family in your thoughts and prayers...not just while her passing fresh, but more importantly, when the freshness wears away.

In addition, there are two organizations that made a true difference in the life of Julia...Please check them out and consider with heart how you might be interested in giving so that others walking in their shoes might have the same "positive" experience.

Houston Hospice
http://www.houstonhospice.org

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com