Being that this is the month that we celebrate Valentines Day, I could not resist writing about some of my greatest lessons on love. One simply cannot help but to reflect on the big L word during this time of year when pink and red hearts, roses and cherubs adorn each place I visit.
As I think about it now, it was not until I was married had children that I truly came to understand love. Of course, I shallowly thought that I did before; yet, I had never really been in love before like I fell in love with them. I know now that I was completely naïve back then as to what it really meant to truly be in love.
Friends, I love my family beyond words, beyond comprehension and beyond myself. I love them when they do crazy things… I love them in spite of the times my son has peed off the back of the Wal-Mart cart, my daughter has chunked a $10 hair bow out the car window on Highway 6, and my other son let the cat out of the house that resulted in a $400 vet visit. I sill love them when they fight incessantly over video games I cannot stand, when they wet their bed every night for more than a week, and when they color with permanent marker all over my kitchen table. I even love them when they make obnoxious scenes in the doctor’s office over who will get a sticker and who will not, when they lie about spelling tests, when they adorn the entire house in 8 rolls of toilet paper, and hide in their closet and eat an entire pint of strawberries (stems included). I still love them…
And, I sometimes even love them more because of the crazy things they do…
I did not know one could love another this much!
On my wedding day my mother only offered me one piece of advice. As we stood in bride’s room as the guests arrived she said, “Loving from here on out will be the hardest thing you will ever do…It takes work – hard work – and it is not something that you will ever be able to just walk away from… But, always remember, there is an order to love when you have a family, and you have to get it right or your love will go all wrong…”
I was taken back by such a decisive comment. My mother is not typically one to make such. I must have looked at her completely dumfounded and bewildered. “Remember this order,” she demanded, “and you will have the greatest love…Love your Lord (whomever that might be) first. It was He that gave you life, knew you first, and who will ultimately have His hand in all you do. Second, you must love yourself. Before you were a wife, and before you were a mother, you were Taylor. Remember Taylor, and keep her - you - healthy and happy because your wellbeing and happiness will impact your love for husband and children more than anything. Then, love your husband. Simply, a joyous marriage breeds joyous children. And, lastly, love you children…”
Like most things mothers say, I listened intently and then filed her order to love away. This order to love was too much to wrap my mind around just moments away from walking down the aisle. Yet, since that day I have given it great thought time and time again.
The funny thing about my mom’s order to love it is that it is easiest to do it backwards. I know I often find myself so determined to make things good with my children that I neglect my husband. Then knowing my husband and I need time together, I will sacrifice time I has set aside for myself to be with him. Then as I struggle to find time for myself, the relationship I have with Him that I worship, regretfully, becomes an afterthought. And, I can attest that when I fall into this wicked order of love that my family, the ones I love the most, suffer in so many ways.
I challenge you in this Valentine’s season to think about the order in which you love. My mom’s order to love may not be right for all, but it does give great thought! And, may you and all those that you love have the happiest of Valentines!
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